sweaters & swears

A Note to the Kids of the 2010s

Dear children of the 2010s,

As a millennial victim, a 90s kid, and a lover of culture and human life in general, I come to you with a plea. Please do not fall prey to the narcissistic nostalgia that has engulfed my generation.

Right now, everyone in my generation is obsessed with their childhood. This love manifests itself into atrocities such as 90s parties, retro television fads, and mountains of lists with titles such as “You know you’re a 90s kid if…” and “Why the 90s were the best”. We have devoted our time and effort to create websites devoted to the pop culture symbols of our era and petitions begging corporations to bring back popular foods from twenty years ago. We are stuck in our recent history.

This might be because the economy is so bad right now that we’re afraid to grow up. We are so terrified of reality, we try to dig ourselves into a time capsule of childhood simplicity. We can’t allow our tastes to mature because that would force us to find a role and purpose in the actual world. Right now none of us can do this because our surrounding world is really that awful that being an eight year old is preferable to  being a recent college graduate.

So kids of the 2010s, please allow yourselves to grow up. Please start to like actual things that adults like. Don’t be like us. We are unemployable 20 year olds who long for Lunchables and Dunkaroos more than a home-cooked meal. We are college students who want to watch Rugrats more than Thursday night comedies on NBC. We are adults to spend time weaving friendship bracelets instead of working at a real job. We are idiots working to restore Furbys instead of fixing the world. We are maddeningly helpless. So please, use your superpowers of being nostalgia free to help save us.

Plus,  let’s face it, we’re pathetic because we are all lusting after the days when Backstreet Boys were popular. But do you want to know what’s even worse? Wishing for the harlequin days when Justin Bieber ruled the charts. That is way more embarrassing.

So kids of the 2010s, please, become adults. But seriously, can  you please turn down this Justin Bieber stuff? I can hardly hear Hanson over this nonsense!